3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
