Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize