my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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