Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hell yes lets make some ravioli
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
