2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just pee around me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize