I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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