Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
