Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Randomize
