Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
