Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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