I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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