then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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