you would pick up someone in the library
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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