the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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