I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
