Ambien. No doubt about it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
