Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
