Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
