A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
