Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
