she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
