apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
