That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
