she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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