yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
