saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
