Can i not drive my cunt home
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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