you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
