i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
