He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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