Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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