I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
