Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize