just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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