i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
