the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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