I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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