how can u be prego again
That's intense
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
