I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection