Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."