the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.