If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.