Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!