Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.