hotel room ftw
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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