he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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