it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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