I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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