can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
