You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
