It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
