O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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