wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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