last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
