Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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