did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
