this beer tastes like vomit already
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
