absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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