We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
