my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
