I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
