One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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