If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
