Your mouth is God's brothel.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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