Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
