do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
