I would go down on you faster than GM stock
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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