I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
