yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
