his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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