If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
