I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
