Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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