my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
