Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
