I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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