I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
