I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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