So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
