Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
