I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
